It's my nephew Ben's third birthday and he's wild about barney the purple dinosaur and huge construction trucks. I got him a dump truck and what's more, we rented a Barney costume for the big party at his house later that afternoon.The costume was big with a huge, football-style helmet for his big purple head. There were a lot of parts to that simple looking outfit, and no instructions. I got into the thing, stepped into the special barney boots and put on the special barney gloves. The last part of the costume was a nasty looking yellowed bed pillow. The weather was hot so I decided to let my own flab do overtime and leave the bed pillow stuffing in the bottom of the costume box.
When we got the pictures back, there I was as Barney. And it turned out the pillow was a vital part of the appeal and without it I was sporting a big slit that looked for all the world like Barney with a vagina!
But--you aren't telling the WHOLE story! The horrified looks on the faces of the guests, which you noticed in staccato, strobe-like glimpses through the mismatched eyeholes...the way the crowd parted as you laughingly lumbered through, with the adults instinctively forming a protective barrier between you and the children...and who can forget Sharon, the closest approximation of "Church Lady" but forty years younger with two perfect tow-headed children! Sharon went so far as to cup her hands over the eyes of the nearest tow-headed angel so he/she would not have to see the giant v-laden Barney lumbering with exaggerated joy right. toward. the. CHILDREN!
ReplyDeleteYes, you were a huge hit at that party--but the nice doctor still can't figure out why 17 year-old Ben has nightmares of a big purple train tunnel hurtling toward him while his friends scream in the background...
sick chick!
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